My dog looks like a fuzzy penis. That is all, bye.
i sat here laughing for like ten minutes
I almost had a heart attack last night while my husband and I were lying in bed reading and his entire body starts shaking. I’m all ARE YOU OK ARE YOU HAVING A SEIZURE ARE YOU CRYING WHATS HAPPENING
and then i realize he’s just laughing hysterically- so hard that he CANT MAKE NOISE
And I go: Are you thinking about that damn penis dog again?
him: *silent nodding while he claps like a retarded seal*
i was laying still on the cold concrete of New York city. The urban lights shimmering my every motive. I sit still and think to myself about the wonders of life…
Suddenly the ground begins to vibrate. I’m in shock. I look around gasping for answers.
“it’s the penis dog!” a man shouts.
Then out of no where I am attacked by the penis dog until I was soon saved by the vagina goldfish.
Thank you vagina goldfish. you have saved my life.
i feel like “tumblr cool” and “real life cool” are two completely different things and i somehow manage not to be either of them
things my grandchildren are going to hear me say
- yo
- lil nigga
- chicken nugger
- swiggity swag what’s in the bag
- bitch i might be
- holla holla get dolla
- swaggy
- bip bop bam i don’t give a damn
- ding dong that is wrong
things i never wanted my grandchildren to hear me say
- yo
- lil nigga
- chicken nugger
- swiggity swag what’s in the bag
- bitch i might be
- holla holla get dolla
- swaggy
- bip bop bam i don’t give a damn
- ding dong that is wrong
the best kind of people are the really cute ones that you wanna cuddle and drink hot chocolate and go for walks in the park and watch dumb movies and build blanket forts with but also slam up against a wall and fuck their brains out
at what age do i just magically turn hot
Captain Picard has an Android phone with unlimited Data.
DO YOU EVER WANNA TALK ABOUT A THING SO MUCH YOU’RE GONNA EXPLODE BUT NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT THE THING SO YOU CAN’T AND JUST WOW! LET! ME! TALK! ABOUT! THE! THING!
When it rains outside
- Facebook: 22 statuses
- Twitter: 37 tweets
- Instagram: 17 pictures of the sky
- Tumblr: What is outside?
- Avengers fandom: stop it, Thor.
- Percy Jackson fandom: Zeus and Poseidon are fighting. Again.
- Paramore fandom: ANd WHEN IT RAINS... ON THIS SIDE OF TOWN IT TOUCHES...EVERYTHING
- Grey's Anatomy Fandom: Perfect Storm
- Game of Thrones Fandom: Yes now the rains weep o'er his hall with not a soul to hear
- Supernatural Fandom: At least something is falling from the sky besides Angels.
- Doctor Who Fandom: Ah, the oncoming storm has arrived.
- me: omg did i reply too fast
- me: they're going to think i'm obsessed with them
YOU CAME TO THE WRONG NEIGHBORHOOD, MOTHERFUCKER
THAT IS THE ANGRIEST ZEBRA I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE
IT GETS FUNNIER THE MORE I WATCH IT
Forever reblog. Cuz that zebra is fed the fuck UP.
